Sunday, December 21st, 2014 — Advent: Four years ago
This is why I do not turn off my PMs when I despair anymore. This is why I love Saga. Now. And forever. Four years later. Two years after she told me her final good-bye.
Why are you asleep when I'm awake...? Min allra käraste Älskling,
What happened sweetness? Why did you turn off your PM? Did I do something? Did you get sick of my 'I'm stupid-rant' or was it anything else? Did you get sad and offended when I wrote that you "claim that you are plain?" I DIDN'T mean that you are plain as in boring, you know. For you are NOT - God! you are so MUCH all at once and I don't care if I drown or OD. I will still ask for more...
Please tell me for I get so worried over you!! My stomach is in a knot and my heart goes
thump,thump...thump,thump...(pause)...thump,thump,thump,thump!!
I'm like the nervous mother and you're the child running too far away on the playground. And I can't find you and I get hysteric and crying and...wait. I think...There's a Sappho here:
"Afraid of losing you
I ran fluttering
like a little girl
after her mother"
Maybe the roles are reversed. Maybe you're the mother and I'm the little girl that is trying to get you to stay... Please stay, Melissa! You sustain me, you inspire me, you make me endure myself! You're the one that can make me say: 'Today I chose to love myself, for on the other side of the Atlantic there is a girl that loves me. And if she sees something in me worth loving, then I guess I'm not that bad after all...'
My Darling Melissa, don't punish us by not being present. Or do, if it makes you feel better. Anything that will make you feel better is okay. Even if it means you won't talk to me ever again.
أنا بحبك, jag älskar dig!
"Without warning
As a whirlwind
swoops on an oak
Love shakes my heart "
And you have my heart, for as long as you want it.
Din Saga
