Okay, seriously?
Yes, seriously.
Your review is a window to your soul.
So, okay, here we go again. You write your review to try to impress me? SERIOUSLY? Like you need me, or anybody else who reads your review, to be impressed by what you wrote?
Okay, seriously?
Yes, seriously.
What I write, my stories, are windows to my soul. I have more than thirty of them, by they way, so there's more than a few windows here on ffn and on literotica that you can get nice little peeks into House `phfina.
Question for ya. You think I'm writing my stories to impress you?
No, I didn't ask 'do my stories impress you?' I already know they've impressed the fuck out of some people, thousands of people, so do you think impressing little you matters to me?
In a sense, it does. Yes, my stories are grammatically-correct, and thank you the several dumb-fuck reviewers who mention grammar in my stories as their compelling reasons to read what I've written.
"Dear `phfina, I like reading your stories because your grammar is mostly correct."
Oh, really? Then go read a fucking math book: it has grammar that's mostly correct, too.
Dumb. fucking. fucks.
And thank you, dear reader, for trying to impress me, and all your friends, by daring to write a review to the dread `phfina saying that my story is 'different' and 'interesting.'
I'm glad you like reading different and interesting stories.
So read the 9-11 report. It's long, too.
No, seriously, read the 9-11 report.
But you're not gonna. You're reading my stories.
Why? Why the fuck are you reading my stories? It's not because they're grammatically-correct (they are) nor that they are 'different' (they are) (but how?) nor that they are 'interesting' (they are) (but why?)
You read these stories because they are one hell of a fucked-up ride, and you know why? Because these stories aren't 'windows to my soul' (nice platitude there, buster), but they are walls over which I rip my heart right out, and throw it into your hands.
'OMFG!' you scream. 'Nobody writes like this! Nobody!'
Yet, you have the evidence right in front of you. You're reading it.
So.
Your review. Your little window into your soul.
How do you respond to what you just read?
In kind?
Yeah.
If you have the guts to.
You pick one fucking thing that floored you, you mention it, and you say how it floored you, and fucking why it floored you.
"Your story is interesting, because it's different and it has good grammar."
FAIL.
Try again.
"`phfina, (note the spelling) (and the capitalization), this chapter rocked. (why?) I really, really liked when Rosalie opened up to Bella's mom. (why?) Because I never, ever opened up to my mom, and I see this strong, strong mean girl being weak, and I said, "FINALLY!" Finally, when Rosalie was weak, she was strong. You don't have to be strong to be strong, you have to be strong to be weak, and open up, and really risk showing somebody else you care, and risk getting stomped on, but Rosalie DID open up and DIDN'T get stomped on! She got what she wanted, and that payoff was so sweet, because I have never opened up to my mom, never saw it as a possibility until I read this strong girl here, being weak, and that gave me hope that maybe I can do that, too."
Maybe even say HOW (specifically) your relationship with your mom is now better, and WHY (specifically) that's important to you.
But that requires OMG! sharing specific details of your personal life.
You mean, like I do, with every chapter? Yeah.
But that also means, you actually have to live your life, and not just watch it pass on by. Like most people do. Like you're doing, right now.
You see, one way of looking at life, a way that works for me, is that life is a game, and you're either a spectator in the stands (or worse: a referee) or a player in the game on the field. You can 'enjoy' the game as a spectator: "That was a nice game." "Yes, yes, it was, shall we have tea now?" but do you affect the score? Does anybody else care?
Be a player and go for the goal. Put your heart on the line, and play to win. You may not. Case in point: I may not. But I'm playing with all my heart, and as I play, people read my stories, and come away saying: "nice story, made me cry a little bit." And I get to walk away knowing I've affected 10,000 people this month.
When Saga wrote a review to one of my stories in Swedish, she put her heart on the line, and although she's never written word one of a ffn story, she got 5k hits that month from her review. From her review. Your review opens up a window to your soul, and people read it ... will they care that you wrote "Nice story. It's different. Update soon." Will they be impressed? Perhaps. But in all likelihood, probably not.
Are you living your life so that other people are impressed by you ... or 'eh'd by you? From your review I can tell, either way, dear reviewer.
So, are you impressing people? Maybe. But ... I'm not impressed. What impresses me is when a reviewer tells me what (specifically) they liked in my story, and why they liked it. "`phfina, a Lauren fic (for Bitter). Never gonna read it, then I did. I care about her, you showed me she has heart, and for you to write a Lauren fic that I WANT to read? You are the best writer on ffn."
You don't have to go to hyperbole; this reviewer didn't, either. But you don't have to write platitudes to impress. Write. From the heart. What touched you and why?
What touched you in this chapter of Ridden, and why? And why is that important? To you, not to all the sucky stories out there on ffn that nobody gives an s.h.i.t. about: to you.
I cried writing this chapter. Your "update soone" review didn't make me cry, but it left me hurting. I put in all this effort to get a "My compliments to the writer. Good show!" review? Gee, thanks, glad to receive your condescension!
You're better than this. WAY better. You know it.
So, now you know you just wrote a shit review. Now what?
Can you try again? Can you dig 1/4 as deep as I did? Can you try? Can you pick one thing in this story that floored you and say why it did, and why that is important to you and your life?
And if nothing floored you ... are you playing at the game with all your heart? Or are you in the stands, commenting on the plays: "He shudda thrown the curve. If I were in there, I wudda thrown the curve! Jeez, these players suck!" "Yes, dear."
If nothing floored you in this story, please, go find something that does, and be floored, for goodness sake! Please don't be bored with life, huh?
Showing posts with label reviews. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reviews. Show all posts
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
How to Write (a review): Recognize. Describe. Share. Appreciate.
How to write?
There are three levels of writing: recognizing, describing, and then sharing.
Good, better, best.
And there are two approaches to writing: indifference and appreciation.
Or (very) bad, and good.
Levels of writing.
Recognize: "Your writing is different."
Describe: "Bella in your story isn't a pushover, although Rosalie bosses her around, but I think Rosalie really loves Bella, too, even though she won't admit that to herself. Also, other femmeslash I read, one girl is mannish and the other girly, but your story, you don't take away Rosalie's femininity, and I like reading that, for a change."
Share: "I had a really shit New Year's and reading your story, seeing two girls who really love each other and are happy with each other? I like being with couples who are happy and strong people but also bend and depend on each other, it gives me hope that I can be happy like that, too."
Then, the two approaches.
Indifference: "Update soon." (What, am I your fvcking b!tch? "Fetch, Lassie! Fetch!")
Appreciation: "You really put your heart into this chapter, and it must have been hard writing it, and, with the material, brave of you to publish it. I liked this chapter. You are one of (if not the) best writers on ffn for being able to write a Lauren fic (a character I hated in the series) and you made me like her."
My advice.
It's safe to recognize something, but it takes hard work to describe how to distinguish it from all the rest of the crap out there, and then it takes courage to share what it meant for you.
It's ... fvcking rude to be indifferent, by not leaving a review after you've read a chapter that made you say 'Huh. Wow.' (Recognize that: "This chapter made me say 'Huh. Wow!' Then DESCRIBE WHAT made you say 'Huh. Wow.' then FVCKING SHARE WHY THAT MEANS ANYTHING TO YOU, for FVCK's SAKE!) It's fvcking rude to say: "More, more, gimme more!" and not FVCKING APPRECIATE WHAT YOU JUST GOT! WHY THE FVCK WILL I GIVE YOU MORE IF YOU DON'T SAY HOW WHAT I JUST GAVE YOU TOUCHED YOU? You are a fvcking selfish, rude, little pig.
Recognize that. You are a fvcking selfish, rude, little pig. Now read that PM or that review you just wrote.
Did you just recognize some sh!t out there, or did you distinguish it, and then, did you dare to share what it meant for you?
Did you appreciate what you were just given, little piggie, or did you put your fat fingers into the dessert tray, stuffed your mouth full of chocolates and then say, 'More!'
If you sent this PM or review to yourself, would it make sense? Did it help? Would you have been pleased to have received it?
Or, since you just sent it to yourself, do you now want to b!tch-slap yourself silly?
I recommend you start b!tch-slapping yourself, right now, and take your review or your PM and rewrite it. Keep b!tch-slapping yourself until you get to a rewrite that doesn't want to make me puke.
So, yeah: keep b!tch-slapping yourself.
I recommend you take that bullsh!t chapter you just wrote, and get fvcking real with yourself and with your characters. Nineteen-nine percent of the problems on ffn is that the writing out there has the fvcking CHARACTERS in THEIR STORIES EMBARRASSED TO SAY THE LINES THEY ARE GIVEN and TO DO THE FVCKED UP SH!T the AUTHORESSES MAKE THEM DO.
Don't be one of the 99%. And you know how you will rise above the crowded cesspool? Put just 1% more effort into your story. That's fucking it. And fucking put your heart into the story.
And then, before you publish the motherfucker, fucking proof read it. I proof read each chapter seven time. You hear me? SEVEN FUCKING TIMES!
"`phfina, you want me to beta your stuff for you, so you can have good grammar, like my stories don't?"
Uh, no. I want you to read Strunk and White's Elements of Style. Now. And I want you to spell-check your document. Now. And I want you to, when you don't know what word to put there, to mark that place, keep writing, and come back to that snag and get the exact word and the right word, and not publish your chapter until you do put the exact word and the right word needed right there.
And I want you not to use the words 'stuff,' 'good,' 'bad,' 'interesting,' and 'different.' Ever.
Never, ever use those words again.
Thank you.
Oh, and if you write 'summary sucks,' guess what sucks even more: your story. Write a fucking summary that doesn't fucking suck. No: write a summary that rocks your readers' world.
There are three levels of writing: recognizing, describing, and then sharing.
Good, better, best.
And there are two approaches to writing: indifference and appreciation.
Or (very) bad, and good.
Levels of writing.
Recognize: "Your writing is different."
Describe: "Bella in your story isn't a pushover, although Rosalie bosses her around, but I think Rosalie really loves Bella, too, even though she won't admit that to herself. Also, other femmeslash I read, one girl is mannish and the other girly, but your story, you don't take away Rosalie's femininity, and I like reading that, for a change."
Share: "I had a really shit New Year's and reading your story, seeing two girls who really love each other and are happy with each other? I like being with couples who are happy and strong people but also bend and depend on each other, it gives me hope that I can be happy like that, too."
Then, the two approaches.
Indifference: "Update soon." (What, am I your fvcking b!tch? "Fetch, Lassie! Fetch!")
Appreciation: "You really put your heart into this chapter, and it must have been hard writing it, and, with the material, brave of you to publish it. I liked this chapter. You are one of (if not the) best writers on ffn for being able to write a Lauren fic (a character I hated in the series) and you made me like her."
My advice.
It's safe to recognize something, but it takes hard work to describe how to distinguish it from all the rest of the crap out there, and then it takes courage to share what it meant for you.
It's ... fvcking rude to be indifferent, by not leaving a review after you've read a chapter that made you say 'Huh. Wow.' (Recognize that: "This chapter made me say 'Huh. Wow!' Then DESCRIBE WHAT made you say 'Huh. Wow.' then FVCKING SHARE WHY THAT MEANS ANYTHING TO YOU, for FVCK's SAKE!) It's fvcking rude to say: "More, more, gimme more!" and not FVCKING APPRECIATE WHAT YOU JUST GOT! WHY THE FVCK WILL I GIVE YOU MORE IF YOU DON'T SAY HOW WHAT I JUST GAVE YOU TOUCHED YOU? You are a fvcking selfish, rude, little pig.
Recognize that. You are a fvcking selfish, rude, little pig. Now read that PM or that review you just wrote.
Did you just recognize some sh!t out there, or did you distinguish it, and then, did you dare to share what it meant for you?
Did you appreciate what you were just given, little piggie, or did you put your fat fingers into the dessert tray, stuffed your mouth full of chocolates and then say, 'More!'
If you sent this PM or review to yourself, would it make sense? Did it help? Would you have been pleased to have received it?
Or, since you just sent it to yourself, do you now want to b!tch-slap yourself silly?
I recommend you start b!tch-slapping yourself, right now, and take your review or your PM and rewrite it. Keep b!tch-slapping yourself until you get to a rewrite that doesn't want to make me puke.
So, yeah: keep b!tch-slapping yourself.
I recommend you take that bullsh!t chapter you just wrote, and get fvcking real with yourself and with your characters. Nineteen-nine percent of the problems on ffn is that the writing out there has the fvcking CHARACTERS in THEIR STORIES EMBARRASSED TO SAY THE LINES THEY ARE GIVEN and TO DO THE FVCKED UP SH!T the AUTHORESSES MAKE THEM DO.
Don't be one of the 99%. And you know how you will rise above the crowded cesspool? Put just 1% more effort into your story. That's fucking it. And fucking put your heart into the story.
And then, before you publish the motherfucker, fucking proof read it. I proof read each chapter seven time. You hear me? SEVEN FUCKING TIMES!
"`phfina, you want me to beta your stuff for you, so you can have good grammar, like my stories don't?"
Uh, no. I want you to read Strunk and White's Elements of Style. Now. And I want you to spell-check your document. Now. And I want you to, when you don't know what word to put there, to mark that place, keep writing, and come back to that snag and get the exact word and the right word, and not publish your chapter until you do put the exact word and the right word needed right there.
And I want you not to use the words 'stuff,' 'good,' 'bad,' 'interesting,' and 'different.' Ever.
Never, ever use those words again.
Thank you.
Oh, and if you write 'summary sucks,' guess what sucks even more: your story. Write a fucking summary that doesn't fucking suck. No: write a summary that rocks your readers' world.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Daughters of Club Bilitis
Okay, what are you doing right now?
Well, if you haven't watched Daughters of Club Bilitis, I would urge you to drop whatever it is you are doing, and sit down for about one hour and watch all four segments of this movie (1, 2, 3, 4).
It's Korean. Doesn't matter, because it's universal.
And the beauty of it, is they don't focus on one story, one age, but weave in all three phases of life, from the teenage crush (eh, `phfina, like you haven't outgrown that, Miss that's all I write about?) to the young committed couple, so lost in their own problems they can reach out to each other to help, to the 'old biddies' who are the perfect couple, ... but at what cost?
I write this review as if I watched a tragedy, and, yes, I did cry (cries?) (how many hankies did I use?), and it is, Korea is a society so homophobic a mother would rather bite her tongue off and die than hear her daughter is in love with another girl, and, even, a lesbian couple hope and pray their own daughter never gets this 'sickness.' And that's what these women are living in and through.
And, somehow, magically (and beautifully: realistically, this isn't a rosy 'love conquers all' story) they make it work. And wonderfully: the film shows how they have to keep making it work, every day, day in and day out, and how tiring that can be, how scary, and for each other, how ... how special, sweet, tender, spiteful, jealous, scared, beautiful, agonizingly beautiful.
And hopeful.
Watch this film. Please.
And ladies, filming this movie, and acting in it ... I salute you (`phfina salutes). Thank you for daring to make this.
Well, if you haven't watched Daughters of Club Bilitis, I would urge you to drop whatever it is you are doing, and sit down for about one hour and watch all four segments of this movie (1, 2, 3, 4).
It's Korean. Doesn't matter, because it's universal.
And the beauty of it, is they don't focus on one story, one age, but weave in all three phases of life, from the teenage crush (eh, `phfina, like you haven't outgrown that, Miss that's all I write about?) to the young committed couple, so lost in their own problems they can reach out to each other to help, to the 'old biddies' who are the perfect couple, ... but at what cost?
I write this review as if I watched a tragedy, and, yes, I did cry (cries?) (how many hankies did I use?), and it is, Korea is a society so homophobic a mother would rather bite her tongue off and die than hear her daughter is in love with another girl, and, even, a lesbian couple hope and pray their own daughter never gets this 'sickness.' And that's what these women are living in and through.
And, somehow, magically (and beautifully: realistically, this isn't a rosy 'love conquers all' story) they make it work. And wonderfully: the film shows how they have to keep making it work, every day, day in and day out, and how tiring that can be, how scary, and for each other, how ... how special, sweet, tender, spiteful, jealous, scared, beautiful, agonizingly beautiful.
And hopeful.
Watch this film. Please.
And ladies, filming this movie, and acting in it ... I salute you (`phfina salutes). Thank you for daring to make this.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
"The List"
Rosalie has two lists. Rosalie is a light-weight. Two lists? I'd like to get mine down to two lists. Maybe I could have two lists of my lists, but that's just me shooting for stars and breaking my chin when I hit the stone-hewn floor.
So, here's one of my lists, and you could read it like I'm blowing my own horn, because, well, I am. But I ask you to read this in a different way. I ask you to read this like it's your list.
Or, I ask you to make your own list that is, really, your own list and put it up on your profile.
OR, I ask you to read you in this list. AND if you don't read you in this list, I ask you to PM me.
"Hey, 'phfina, you little dummy, remember that time I ... and you ... and I ...? So put that on your flimmin'-flammin' list, already! Don't make me come over there, because I will so order a latte when I do!"
AND if you want your name on this list, go ahead, PM me. I'm leaving names off here out of respect to your privacy. If "respect" for you means that you are recognized by name, I'll be happy to put your (profile) name and a link to your profile, for I am grateful to you.
So, yeah, here's my list.
Oh, and here's another list. Gratitude, right? Well, yes!
People care about me. People care about me.
So, here's one of my lists, and you could read it like I'm blowing my own horn, because, well, I am. But I ask you to read this in a different way. I ask you to read this like it's your list.
Or, I ask you to make your own list that is, really, your own list and put it up on your profile.
OR, I ask you to read you in this list. AND if you don't read you in this list, I ask you to PM me.
"Hey, 'phfina, you little dummy, remember that time I ... and you ... and I ...? So put that on your flimmin'-flammin' list, already! Don't make me come over there, because I will so order a latte when I do!"
AND if you want your name on this list, go ahead, PM me. I'm leaving names off here out of respect to your privacy. If "respect" for you means that you are recognized by name, I'll be happy to put your (profile) name and a link to your profile, for I am grateful to you.
So, yeah, here's my list.
- A girl wrote in her review that one of my stories saved her life.
- A girl sent me a proposal of marriage in her PM. She was joking. But she wasn't. And that made Saga SO JEALOUS! and I don't know what I like more, the sweetness (and carefreeness) of the proposal, or the ... "reaction" from Saga.
- A girl wrote in her review that my PM to her ... well, her BFF is now her GF and it's because a snoopy (boy) friend was reading what I was writing to her about being honest with BFF and not getting all stalker-crazy-fantasy.
- A girl came out to her mom and her friends. And she had smilies when she told me ... that's good, right?
- A girl admitted she started writing because of my stories. One girl I'm sure she said this, two other girls I'm not sure but ... maybe I had something to do with them starting writing.
- A girl got a kiss from a girl, because I emboldened her to ask for it.
- A girl told me she loves me? Yes, a girl told me she loves me.
- A girl did her homework, for the first time, at my ... erhm, encouragement.
- A girl blushed with glee at my review of her story. Strike that, more than one girl has done that. My reviews can make writers happy.
- I wrote a chapter for another girl's story. I've done that twice so far. One ... wasn't received so well by the readers. One was. Both inspired the writers to continue to write. Oh, yeah. A girl dared to publish a story because I dared to demand that she do just that, and she picked up my thrown gauntlet.
- More than several girls dared to review my works in their native and first languages which happen to be other than English. Would they have ever dared that? To express themselves sincerely and in their own language? I allowed this by asking for it ... very insistently.
- A girl cried and cried when I told her that it was okay to be herself, whoever that self she found herself to be and that self whom she loved. And then she gave her mom a hug.
- A girl told me I've marked her face with a permanent smirk. Yes, I do write (intentionally) humorous pieces, too, even if the humor is a bit "rye" ... but it wouldn't be Rosalie without the snide little side commentary, now would it, right?
- A girl screamed when she saw I updated my story.
- More than one girl couldn't wait to read my stories, so they read them in class ... both got caught red-handed. Explain this kind of "literature" to teacher, eh?
[I TOLD you NOT to read my stuff in class!] [But who listens to 'phfina, hm?]
Oh, and here's another list. Gratitude, right? Well, yes!
- A boy gave me his broad shoulders to cry on.
- Same boy said only a handful of authors get Rosalie right ... and I'm one of them.
- A girl ... helped me when I suddenly realized that everything had shifted and I didn't know how to go on, because I didn't know who or what I was anymore ... you know, when ... *blush* ... anyway, and she, in her wisdom, guided me from not being able to breathe to 'it's okay, lots of people experience this and it's perfectly fine.' You know you saved my life just then, sweetheart. You know that, don't you?
- A girl said she trying reading a Rosalie fic and liked it, because I kept her character, true and her (black) heart, pure ... and loving ... and caring ... and sardonic.
- A girl told me I really shine in my Alice-Rosalie interactions. Another girl told me my Jasper was rock star ... in fact ... "girl"? No: "girls." One girl hugged her computer when reading my story. Aw!
- A girl called my writing astounding. Another girl said I am a writer. Another girl said I should be published in print. So did another one, and then set up a website to showcase my work, starting with my only story, my first story: Sappho's Muse.
- A girl dedicated a story to me. Same girl wrote me into her story.
- A girl put into my head the seed of my "hug game" in a PM to me when I was feeling blue.
- And your reviews? GOD! your reviews. I mean, Rosalie and Me? Your reviews saved that piece from deletion. BUT THEN you got what ch 8 was up to in Our First Time ... a nothing little chapter, just like my nothing little one-shot Fireworks. Just a kiss under a tree; just a shared moment at an sbux. That's all. That is: nothing at all, except for your reviews. Thank you, thank you and thank you.
- A girl PMed me and asked me how I was doing. Asked me if I was okay. Hm, a boy did that, too. Hm. A lot of people do that a lot of the time.
People care about me. People care about me.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
"Update Soon"
Okay, so, for those of you who want to take on writing well, read this. For those of you who don't, please don't.
You do know your review is part of your writing craft, right?
Cancel that, start ophfer, 'phfina.
Okay, you've just read my chapter, and your socks were knocked off, and you're speechless, and you wish to thank me for that amazing piece of writing, so you're going to leave me a review.
Okay, first of all, thank you for your review.
Now, here's how to avoid a tongue-lashing (the bad kind) from me.
1. share, don't describe.
Look, I know what happened in the chapter, so you don't need to (re)tell me the plot. So tell me, yes, what you liked, or what you didn't, but importantly, tell me why! Why is the 'why' important? It's important because something in this chapter struck you, and saying 'I was struck by ...' tells me nothing and it tells you nothing. And saying 'When Rosalie told you about your childhood, that really hit close to the bone,' tells me nothing and it tells you nothing.
WHY did it strike you? WHY did it really hit close to the bone?
Honey, if you can't talk about this with me or with you, you aren't in touch with yourself, and if you aren't in touch with yourself, you have no way of relating to anybody beyond superficiality. And me? I don't relate in a superficial way. Superficiality is a lie and a time-waster. You want to hide? Stay hiding, but don't waste my time playing your nasty, stupid, fearful games.
My friends and relationships? They are real. Get real with me.
And the payoff for getting real with me? You have to get real with yourself, and when you get real with yourself, guess what? You get real with others, and then you have real relationships, not fake ones.
You know the difference between a real relationship and a fake relationship? No? That's because you've been hiding, withholding, and living a lie. Get the fuck real and start living your life.
2a. don't fucking PM me your real review, hiding behind a fake, pleasant public review
Chicken. Wuss. Moocher.
Listen, sharing with just 'phfina? That's a nice, safe game you're playing. How's that working for you, playing safe with your life, playing safe in the world?
Did anybody ever accomplish anything by playing it safe? Playing it safe is survival mode, and survival mode is for back-stabbing leeches, sucking the life out of everything they can and contributing nothing. Listen, there are other people out there in the world with your exact same issue, and my stories are for you, honey, AND for them, and what you said in your PM may have helped somebody else who would've read it if you left it in a review, but no, now s/he thinks s/he's the only one who feels that way about my stories and now s/he goes and kills hirself because you were a selfish little safe b!tch and PMed me what really happened for you reading my story, leaving this pleasant little nothing of a review.
Well, guess what? Your pleasant little nothing of a review just sold out on you and sold out on that person who needed your words to make it one more day.
By PMing me your real review and hiding behind a safe public review, you just abetted somebody's suicide.
Heavy, 'phfina? Hell yes. It is heavy when you withhold yourself. Do you think I liked writing and then publishing Rosalie and Me? Do you think I was playing a small game?
If you're going to be playing a game, play the big one. The stakes are the same: you are betting your life either way, but the payoff? HUGE difference. HUGE.
2b. Oh, and don't PM me with "Oh, I'm going to review the next chap you publish."
Every single one of those PMs? Not one of those 'people' (and I use the term very loosely, the more accurate term is 'fucking cunts' ... because I'm ashamed for our sex, but every single one of those PMs have come from girls) has ever delivered on her promise, and so I write the next chapter and, behold, no review from you.
Guess what: I remember what you promised to me.
Guess what: it hurts when you break your promise because of your indolence.
Guess what: you aren't a person of your word.
The sad thing is is that the only person who's paying for your sin is me, not you, because you didn't have the guts to review all the other chapters I already have up. Look, I already did the work of publishing those chapters, but you're withholding yourself from me and from the community for my 'next' chapter? Why? The story is not in time, honey, it's forever, and, guess what? So is your review. Are you playing the small game of 'gimme this for that' or 'I'll do it when ...' or are you going to play big and put yourself out there?
3. Write your review, don't write your critique of your review.
"Oh, you're probably tired of hearing how good a writer you are."
No, I'm not.
"Oh, I'm going to say this wrong/stupid/boringly."
No, you're not.
"Oh, if only I had the way of words that you do."
Honey, news flash: you don't. You have something better than that: you have the way of words that you do.
Let me tell you something about me. I am a writer. Do you know how I know that? You told me ... in your reviews. And not only am I a writer, but I'm one of the best, perhaps the best on ffn. I didn't say that: you did. So do you know how I know that I'm touching you with my writing? You told me.
Weak of me? Sure! Yes, I should be this strong, fierce, sleek panther on the hunt, striking terror into your hearts and making your bodies all a-quiver (in several ways), but in reality I'm just a little black kitten pretending to be a panther, who, maybe, on a good day can work her self-image up to an ocelot, but only when you've told her so.
Does it get easier for me? Hell no.
Hell no.
It gets harder. Because why? Because every chapter I write has got to meet my standards, and my standards are right out there for you all to see, because I've already written that awesome one-shot Fireworks. How can I top that? How can I even match that? And here I am, writing this shit chapter, and the dialogue is not coming together and the events are all a-jumble and I'm going to publish this?
I'm fucked. I'm so seriously fucked, because now I'm a has-been who can't write shit anymore, and I put that chapter out, and what am I doing?
I'm waiting.
I'm waiting for you to call me out. "'phfina! That chapter fucking sucked! Why the fuck are you publishing this shit? Get back in the fucking game, loser!"
And so when you say: "I'm embarrassed at writing again that this chapter rocked because I sound like a broken record. I'm sorry for boring you with my repetitive reviews ..."
Do you know what I'm doing? I'm screaming so hard at my laptop that I'm crying, and I'm crying so hard that I'm screaming. Do you know what I'm screaming?
NO!
I'm screaming NO! No, you review isn't boring me. No, don't beat yourself up about fucking saving my life.
Because NO! I don't think I'm God's gift and that I'm hot shit. No, what I'm thinking is that I'm in fucking trouble, that I'm a wannabe — a never even has-been because that means I would have had something, and I so fucking don't! — that's been found out, and your review is the only lifeline that I can grasp, but you're beating yourself up for saving my life, for keeping me going? Do you know what I'm reading in your critique of your review that you sent? That your beating yourself up will beat you away from leaving your next review, and there goes my lifeline.
Honey, when you don't leave a review? I know it. Do you know what that tells me?
It tells me that my stuff is shit not worth bothering over anymore.
Your critique of your review is the precursor of you not leaving me a review. I mean who, consistently, does stuff she hates doing?
Besides me, publishing that next chapter, chapter after chapter? In my experience, not many people are up to that. If your review denigrates yourself, it'll be so much easier for you not to leave a review the next time because you've talked yourself out of the contribution that you actually are.
Honey, your own worst enemy is you. Stop this shitty self-talk. Stop it now. Because your biggest fan? That would be me. Do I want your review? Oh, yes, I do. So review my chapter, don't review your review, okay? Don't worry about how your review will fall on my ears. Don't worry: I will so fucking tell you how I received your review. Promise. AND I'll also thank you for your review.
Unless you're a complete prick, crowing about how clever you are at my expense, and then I'll ban you.
I, unfortunately, wrote the word 'prick' for a reason. Guys (meaning the male of this species), why do you have to be so fucking clever in your reviews? "Look at me, Mommy, I'm so clever!" You do know you're hurting me, and you're hurting you. I put my heart on the line and you think you're so fucking strong and manly to poke fun at me? If my piece touched you, tell me it fucking touched you. And guess what? That is manliness. That is strength, ... AND you'll have girls fucking all over you because you're strong enough to be a man and to be honest and open about your feelings.
Well, I mean, girls who ... you know ... well, ... okay, um, never mind, okay? *blush*
No, I'm not going to give you my phone number, okay?
Um.
4. "Update soon"? Why don't you just write "fuck off and die"?
... because that's what I do when I read those words.
Some of you have experienced this, by your writing or by your leaving an honest heart-felt review (in your native language). You've seen the tremendous responses you've received by daring to put yourself out there. You've felt the absolute terror of being singled out, hunted down and examined under the microscope by tens, by hundreds, by thousands of people.
Now, as I say in my story Monsters: "Be Me."
Be me when I agonize over every phrase, like "Bella's adam's apple," or every twist and turn of the plot (like, OMR, everything that happens in my one-shot Prowling Panther). Am I really going to publish this? If I do, they are going to see me behind my writing, they are going to see me, and they are going to know me, and then they are going to come with their pitchforks and torches, they are going to bust down my door, and they are going to burn me at the stake.
Yes. Every chapter. That's what I'm thinking.
And I just put out this chapter, and I'm agonizing, and I get your review that says "update soon"? So, why? So I can go through that torture again so I can get your next review that says fucking nothing about the chapter I just put out there and just says to "update soon"?
Honey, your review for this chapter is your review for this chapter.
What happened in this chapter that touched you, and why?
If you have nothing to say about this chapter in the review for this chapter, what is the point for me to write you the next chapter? In your review for this chapter, tell me about this chapter! Because you're saying "update soon" says: "I burned through this chapter and have nothing to say about it, your story means nothing to me other than what the next chapter will reveal because this chapter didn't do it for me, leaving me wanting, so you'd better step up your game and not publish a shit chapter like this one."
Sure. Sure you say: "but I'm writing 'update soon' to encourage you, 'phfina, to write the next chapter. I liked this chapter so much that I can't wait for the next one." I know that is your intent, but think out these words fall on me. Be me. Write a chapter and have a reader leave you a review that says "update soon" and see out that feels.
And not say: "'Update soon'? WTF about this chapter, b!tch? Didn't I just kill myself over this chapter? Where is the fucking love?"
And the irony is, some of you have felt this exact thing. I know because you've told me. Yet you still fucking write those words in your review. WTF is this? "Do onto others what has been done onto me"?
"Update soon"? "Can't wait for the next chapter"? Shame on you. Fucking shame on you.
And you know what? You're writing "update soon" shames your parents. Didn't they teach you to be grateful for the gift you've received? Not to be grabby? Guess what: the chapter I just wrote? That was my gift to you. You're saying "update soon"? That says not: "thank you for your gift." No, it says: "gimme more!" Did your parents raise you that way? I can see that from your review you just left that shames your parents.
Sit on that one for a while: everything you do reflects on you and reflects on your parents. Think about the next thing you write before you press 'send,' not after, right? Because your parents taught you to think before you speak, right?
So the shameful things you do shames you and shames your parents. And the honorable things you do honors you and honors your parents.
And do you know who I want to hang with? I can't stand company that says 'oh, boo-hoo, and my parents disempowered me' and all that shit. All I can think is: 'get me away from this slime ball!'
No, I want to be with a person who's at peace with their parents because they just love them or because they made peace with them.
A man who honors his father? I'm like, wow! I'm like: there's a man brimming with self-confidence; that's not a man, that's Superman! That's a hero among men!
So hard to find these days: a good man. A man who doesn't despise his father, but honors him.
A girl who loves her mom, who says her mom is her best friend?
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! I just want to hang with her and honor her and tell her how awesome she is. That's a girl I want as a friend. That a girl who's not mired in shit. That's a girl who's up to something. That's a girl I love to love.
Honor your parents.
Oh, and for those of you hiding stuff from your parents? You know what I mean! Like you haven't come out to your own mother?
What the hell is that all about? First of all, do you think you can hide anything from your parents? They know. They fucking know something's up, that something's not right, and by hiding this from them, you are torturing them. And second of all, how can you honor somebody that you hide stuff from? Get counseling or support or whatever, but get real, for God sake! with your parents. Yes, you can get thrown out of the house. Yes, you can be disowned. I know that. I've seen that. Not personally, thank God! So do it right, do it under advisement with full awareness of what could happen. Don't just break the news to them on Christmas break, for God's sake, but do do it, if you plan to honor your parents fully and honestly.
For those of you who don't have this issue ... well, you actually do if you are hiding anything from your parents, and, by extension, from anybody. Come out of hiding. Stop withholding yourself from the ones you love and the ones who love you. Honor them.
Love them.
The Game
For those of you who haven't experienced this, well, I highly recommend this for your character development. Write something, put it out there, and see what happens. That will really show you what kind of person you are. That will really show you your strengths and weaknesses. You up for that kind of game?
If you are, do that, PM me, and I'll send you a cookie. Yay, you win the game, and here's your prize.
And, bonus, you've accomplished something. It's out there, your work, and now nobody can ever take that away from you.
If you aren't, well, okay. So then, be strong in another way: leave me a review of the chapter you just read. Share, don't describe. Leave a real review in your review, not in a PM to me. Don't denigrate your review in your review; if anything, revel in it, and don't write 'update soon' in your review and don't look for fucking synonyms to that phrase, but honor the chapter reviewed. Savor it.
... and I'll send you a cookie. Congratulations, you've won the game.
Or, be very, very brave and leave your very first review ever, and write "Good chapter; update soon" because you don't know any better, and you don't have any other words to express your admiration ... yet.
... and I'll send you a cookie. You were brave. You've won the game.
You may wish to PM me "'phfina, don't beat me up, this is my first review, and I don't know what to say in my review and ..." and blah-blah-blah.
Not that that PM will do you any good. You've been alive on this planet for how long? And you don't know what to say?
Honey, you do know what to say. All it requires is for you to step out, like you did leaving your review, and come from hiding from yourself and say what's really real for you.
And do you know what happens when you do this, when you finally begin to start to get really real?
You start to live. You start to be not afraid anymore. Those weights on your shoulders come off. Other people PM you and say "OMG! I felt the same way, too, and you're so brave!" And you are brave, and courageous, and ... loved.
You start to love and be loved.
For real. Not for fake. For real.
And then the game really begins.
You do know your review is part of your writing craft, right?
Cancel that, start ophfer, 'phfina.
Okay, you've just read my chapter, and your socks were knocked off, and you're speechless, and you wish to thank me for that amazing piece of writing, so you're going to leave me a review.
Okay, first of all, thank you for your review.
Now, here's how to avoid a tongue-lashing (the bad kind) from me.
1. share, don't describe.
Look, I know what happened in the chapter, so you don't need to (re)tell me the plot. So tell me, yes, what you liked, or what you didn't, but importantly, tell me why! Why is the 'why' important? It's important because something in this chapter struck you, and saying 'I was struck by ...' tells me nothing and it tells you nothing. And saying 'When Rosalie told you about your childhood, that really hit close to the bone,' tells me nothing and it tells you nothing.
WHY did it strike you? WHY did it really hit close to the bone?
Honey, if you can't talk about this with me or with you, you aren't in touch with yourself, and if you aren't in touch with yourself, you have no way of relating to anybody beyond superficiality. And me? I don't relate in a superficial way. Superficiality is a lie and a time-waster. You want to hide? Stay hiding, but don't waste my time playing your nasty, stupid, fearful games.
My friends and relationships? They are real. Get real with me.
And the payoff for getting real with me? You have to get real with yourself, and when you get real with yourself, guess what? You get real with others, and then you have real relationships, not fake ones.
You know the difference between a real relationship and a fake relationship? No? That's because you've been hiding, withholding, and living a lie. Get the fuck real and start living your life.
2a. don't fucking PM me your real review, hiding behind a fake, pleasant public review
Chicken. Wuss. Moocher.
Listen, sharing with just 'phfina? That's a nice, safe game you're playing. How's that working for you, playing safe with your life, playing safe in the world?
Did anybody ever accomplish anything by playing it safe? Playing it safe is survival mode, and survival mode is for back-stabbing leeches, sucking the life out of everything they can and contributing nothing. Listen, there are other people out there in the world with your exact same issue, and my stories are for you, honey, AND for them, and what you said in your PM may have helped somebody else who would've read it if you left it in a review, but no, now s/he thinks s/he's the only one who feels that way about my stories and now s/he goes and kills hirself because you were a selfish little safe b!tch and PMed me what really happened for you reading my story, leaving this pleasant little nothing of a review.
Well, guess what? Your pleasant little nothing of a review just sold out on you and sold out on that person who needed your words to make it one more day.
By PMing me your real review and hiding behind a safe public review, you just abetted somebody's suicide.
Heavy, 'phfina? Hell yes. It is heavy when you withhold yourself. Do you think I liked writing and then publishing Rosalie and Me? Do you think I was playing a small game?
If you're going to be playing a game, play the big one. The stakes are the same: you are betting your life either way, but the payoff? HUGE difference. HUGE.
2b. Oh, and don't PM me with "Oh, I'm going to review the next chap you publish."
Every single one of those PMs? Not one of those 'people' (and I use the term very loosely, the more accurate term is 'fucking cunts' ... because I'm ashamed for our sex, but every single one of those PMs have come from girls) has ever delivered on her promise, and so I write the next chapter and, behold, no review from you.
Guess what: I remember what you promised to me.
Guess what: it hurts when you break your promise because of your indolence.
Guess what: you aren't a person of your word.
The sad thing is is that the only person who's paying for your sin is me, not you, because you didn't have the guts to review all the other chapters I already have up. Look, I already did the work of publishing those chapters, but you're withholding yourself from me and from the community for my 'next' chapter? Why? The story is not in time, honey, it's forever, and, guess what? So is your review. Are you playing the small game of 'gimme this for that' or 'I'll do it when ...' or are you going to play big and put yourself out there?
3. Write your review, don't write your critique of your review.
"Oh, you're probably tired of hearing how good a writer you are."
No, I'm not.
"Oh, I'm going to say this wrong/stupid/boringly."
No, you're not.
"Oh, if only I had the way of words that you do."
Honey, news flash: you don't. You have something better than that: you have the way of words that you do.
Let me tell you something about me. I am a writer. Do you know how I know that? You told me ... in your reviews. And not only am I a writer, but I'm one of the best, perhaps the best on ffn. I didn't say that: you did. So do you know how I know that I'm touching you with my writing? You told me.
Weak of me? Sure! Yes, I should be this strong, fierce, sleek panther on the hunt, striking terror into your hearts and making your bodies all a-quiver (in several ways), but in reality I'm just a little black kitten pretending to be a panther, who, maybe, on a good day can work her self-image up to an ocelot, but only when you've told her so.
Does it get easier for me? Hell no.
Hell no.
It gets harder. Because why? Because every chapter I write has got to meet my standards, and my standards are right out there for you all to see, because I've already written that awesome one-shot Fireworks. How can I top that? How can I even match that? And here I am, writing this shit chapter, and the dialogue is not coming together and the events are all a-jumble and I'm going to publish this?
I'm fucked. I'm so seriously fucked, because now I'm a has-been who can't write shit anymore, and I put that chapter out, and what am I doing?
I'm waiting.
I'm waiting for you to call me out. "'phfina! That chapter fucking sucked! Why the fuck are you publishing this shit? Get back in the fucking game, loser!"
And so when you say: "I'm embarrassed at writing again that this chapter rocked because I sound like a broken record. I'm sorry for boring you with my repetitive reviews ..."
Do you know what I'm doing? I'm screaming so hard at my laptop that I'm crying, and I'm crying so hard that I'm screaming. Do you know what I'm screaming?
NO!
I'm screaming NO! No, you review isn't boring me. No, don't beat yourself up about fucking saving my life.
Because NO! I don't think I'm God's gift and that I'm hot shit. No, what I'm thinking is that I'm in fucking trouble, that I'm a wannabe — a never even has-been because that means I would have had something, and I so fucking don't! — that's been found out, and your review is the only lifeline that I can grasp, but you're beating yourself up for saving my life, for keeping me going? Do you know what I'm reading in your critique of your review that you sent? That your beating yourself up will beat you away from leaving your next review, and there goes my lifeline.
Honey, when you don't leave a review? I know it. Do you know what that tells me?
It tells me that my stuff is shit not worth bothering over anymore.
Your critique of your review is the precursor of you not leaving me a review. I mean who, consistently, does stuff she hates doing?
Besides me, publishing that next chapter, chapter after chapter? In my experience, not many people are up to that. If your review denigrates yourself, it'll be so much easier for you not to leave a review the next time because you've talked yourself out of the contribution that you actually are.
Honey, your own worst enemy is you. Stop this shitty self-talk. Stop it now. Because your biggest fan? That would be me. Do I want your review? Oh, yes, I do. So review my chapter, don't review your review, okay? Don't worry about how your review will fall on my ears. Don't worry: I will so fucking tell you how I received your review. Promise. AND I'll also thank you for your review.
Unless you're a complete prick, crowing about how clever you are at my expense, and then I'll ban you.
I, unfortunately, wrote the word 'prick' for a reason. Guys (meaning the male of this species), why do you have to be so fucking clever in your reviews? "Look at me, Mommy, I'm so clever!" You do know you're hurting me, and you're hurting you. I put my heart on the line and you think you're so fucking strong and manly to poke fun at me? If my piece touched you, tell me it fucking touched you. And guess what? That is manliness. That is strength, ... AND you'll have girls fucking all over you because you're strong enough to be a man and to be honest and open about your feelings.
Well, I mean, girls who ... you know ... well, ... okay, um, never mind, okay? *blush*
No, I'm not going to give you my phone number, okay?
Um.
4. "Update soon"? Why don't you just write "fuck off and die"?
... because that's what I do when I read those words.
Some of you have experienced this, by your writing or by your leaving an honest heart-felt review (in your native language). You've seen the tremendous responses you've received by daring to put yourself out there. You've felt the absolute terror of being singled out, hunted down and examined under the microscope by tens, by hundreds, by thousands of people.
Now, as I say in my story Monsters: "Be Me."
Be me when I agonize over every phrase, like "Bella's adam's apple," or every twist and turn of the plot (like, OMR, everything that happens in my one-shot Prowling Panther). Am I really going to publish this? If I do, they are going to see me behind my writing, they are going to see me, and they are going to know me, and then they are going to come with their pitchforks and torches, they are going to bust down my door, and they are going to burn me at the stake.
Yes. Every chapter. That's what I'm thinking.
And I just put out this chapter, and I'm agonizing, and I get your review that says "update soon"? So, why? So I can go through that torture again so I can get your next review that says fucking nothing about the chapter I just put out there and just says to "update soon"?
Honey, your review for this chapter is your review for this chapter.
What happened in this chapter that touched you, and why?
If you have nothing to say about this chapter in the review for this chapter, what is the point for me to write you the next chapter? In your review for this chapter, tell me about this chapter! Because you're saying "update soon" says: "I burned through this chapter and have nothing to say about it, your story means nothing to me other than what the next chapter will reveal because this chapter didn't do it for me, leaving me wanting, so you'd better step up your game and not publish a shit chapter like this one."
Sure. Sure you say: "but I'm writing 'update soon' to encourage you, 'phfina, to write the next chapter. I liked this chapter so much that I can't wait for the next one." I know that is your intent, but think out these words fall on me. Be me. Write a chapter and have a reader leave you a review that says "update soon" and see out that feels.
And not say: "'Update soon'? WTF about this chapter, b!tch? Didn't I just kill myself over this chapter? Where is the fucking love?"
And the irony is, some of you have felt this exact thing. I know because you've told me. Yet you still fucking write those words in your review. WTF is this? "Do onto others what has been done onto me"?
"Update soon"? "Can't wait for the next chapter"? Shame on you. Fucking shame on you.
And you know what? You're writing "update soon" shames your parents. Didn't they teach you to be grateful for the gift you've received? Not to be grabby? Guess what: the chapter I just wrote? That was my gift to you. You're saying "update soon"? That says not: "thank you for your gift." No, it says: "gimme more!" Did your parents raise you that way? I can see that from your review you just left that shames your parents.
Sit on that one for a while: everything you do reflects on you and reflects on your parents. Think about the next thing you write before you press 'send,' not after, right? Because your parents taught you to think before you speak, right?
So the shameful things you do shames you and shames your parents. And the honorable things you do honors you and honors your parents.
And do you know who I want to hang with? I can't stand company that says 'oh, boo-hoo, and my parents disempowered me' and all that shit. All I can think is: 'get me away from this slime ball!'
No, I want to be with a person who's at peace with their parents because they just love them or because they made peace with them.
A man who honors his father? I'm like, wow! I'm like: there's a man brimming with self-confidence; that's not a man, that's Superman! That's a hero among men!
So hard to find these days: a good man. A man who doesn't despise his father, but honors him.
A girl who loves her mom, who says her mom is her best friend?
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! I just want to hang with her and honor her and tell her how awesome she is. That's a girl I want as a friend. That a girl who's not mired in shit. That's a girl who's up to something. That's a girl I love to love.
Honor your parents.
Oh, and for those of you hiding stuff from your parents? You know what I mean! Like you haven't come out to your own mother?
What the hell is that all about? First of all, do you think you can hide anything from your parents? They know. They fucking know something's up, that something's not right, and by hiding this from them, you are torturing them. And second of all, how can you honor somebody that you hide stuff from? Get counseling or support or whatever, but get real, for God sake! with your parents. Yes, you can get thrown out of the house. Yes, you can be disowned. I know that. I've seen that. Not personally, thank God! So do it right, do it under advisement with full awareness of what could happen. Don't just break the news to them on Christmas break, for God's sake, but do do it, if you plan to honor your parents fully and honestly.
For those of you who don't have this issue ... well, you actually do if you are hiding anything from your parents, and, by extension, from anybody. Come out of hiding. Stop withholding yourself from the ones you love and the ones who love you. Honor them.
Love them.
The Game
For those of you who haven't experienced this, well, I highly recommend this for your character development. Write something, put it out there, and see what happens. That will really show you what kind of person you are. That will really show you your strengths and weaknesses. You up for that kind of game?
If you are, do that, PM me, and I'll send you a cookie. Yay, you win the game, and here's your prize.
And, bonus, you've accomplished something. It's out there, your work, and now nobody can ever take that away from you.
If you aren't, well, okay. So then, be strong in another way: leave me a review of the chapter you just read. Share, don't describe. Leave a real review in your review, not in a PM to me. Don't denigrate your review in your review; if anything, revel in it, and don't write 'update soon' in your review and don't look for fucking synonyms to that phrase, but honor the chapter reviewed. Savor it.
... and I'll send you a cookie. Congratulations, you've won the game.
Or, be very, very brave and leave your very first review ever, and write "Good chapter; update soon" because you don't know any better, and you don't have any other words to express your admiration ... yet.
... and I'll send you a cookie. You were brave. You've won the game.
You may wish to PM me "'phfina, don't beat me up, this is my first review, and I don't know what to say in my review and ..." and blah-blah-blah.
Not that that PM will do you any good. You've been alive on this planet for how long? And you don't know what to say?
Honey, you do know what to say. All it requires is for you to step out, like you did leaving your review, and come from hiding from yourself and say what's really real for you.
And do you know what happens when you do this, when you finally begin to start to get really real?
You start to live. You start to be not afraid anymore. Those weights on your shoulders come off. Other people PM you and say "OMG! I felt the same way, too, and you're so brave!" And you are brave, and courageous, and ... loved.
You start to love and be loved.
For real. Not for fake. For real.
And then the game really begins.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
No shit
So, like a good little girl, I've been responding to my backlog of reviews to my stories.
Hm. Looking at some of these gems, now I know why I had been holding off on this.
Look, okay, it takes courage to review my pieces. I know that. And why? Because I'm as scary as all get out, throwing around big words that you have to look up and my obscure references don't help any, AND THEN my characters are these complex people, nothing at all like the obvious caricatures you read in other fan-fiction pieces where Edward's a god, and Bella's a klutz, and Alice is chirpy-chipper-shoppy and Rosalie's a b!tch and that's all there is to them.
Look. I know, okay. My writings aren't the easiest stories to read on fan-fiction.
So you should have been forewarned, and, being forewarned, been fore-armed.
AND on top of that, you know, already, that I detest stupid people, and not just any stupid people, oh, no: I hate LAZY stupid people.
So when you ask me, "Oh, what does this word mean?" when it's right there in the dictionary? Or I can google the definition?
Or when you tell me, "No, 'phfina, what was in your story is totally wrong, okay? It's like this ..." When I can cite the wikipedia article that supports my writing and destroys your 'oh, no, you're wrong' claim? Or where I can cite the book and page number of the canon that shows you you just ... ARGH!
So, just know, if you're going to be all certain of your facts that you don't look up or be asking questions that have obvious, easily retrievable answers?
Know this: I am not your secretary. I am not your dictionary. My stories are not little serio-comedy episodes on television or youtube that have an obvious conclusion, all tidily wrapped up in 25 minutes (leaving 5 minutes for commercials so you can rot your brain further with sugar that they peddle on that infernal box) (yes, I am grousing like my father). No. I expect you to think, to ponder, to extend yourself when you read my stories. I am not going to spoon-feed you sh!t. No, I respect you, as a reader, too much to do that.
So, do I expect you to think when you leave your review? Do I expect you to extend yourself?
Goddamn right I do. Goddamn right. So you can say, "Nice chap" and I'll say "Thanks! :)" back. So you can say what you liked or what you didn't like in the chap and tell me why, and I'll respect your position or I'll defend mine or I'll do both. Maybe even nicely. So you can tell me I'm wrong ... but you had better be more than just 'Oh, 'cause I know' sure, you had better be goddamn sure (citations will really, really help your cause) because sweetie, I REFUSE to allow you to be LAZY stupid around me. And you had better answer your own 'why' questions to the best of your ability. Like, you had better not be like: 'Why is Rosalie such a b!tch? Why is Bella so spineless?' without first putting on their moccasins and walking a mile, because another kind of person I hate is the stupid PREJUDICED person, that is, the person who makes a snap call on somebody (we all do that, but) without at least trying to get them and where they are coming from. You don't do that? Well, then, why are you even reading my stories? I mean, really! Read something that has 10K+ reviews, read another one of those BxE AU/AH smut-a-thons that require zero brain cells to read or to write.
My stuff: my stuff is precious. I wrote it for you, with love and with care in my heart. So, write your review, please, preciously.
Because me? A prowling panther? No: I am a ton of bricks, iced with sarcasm. Yeah, maybe that will be your experience.
Honey, it's not my job to educate you past third-grade reading comprehension. It's not the schools', even now, especially with the "No Child Left Behind" rallying cry. It's not Mommy's nor Daddy's. It's yours. You are reading my stories, for whatever reason, that means you are a smart cookie. WAY smarter than most the readers and writers on ffn. So, there's this thing called a computer: it has google, it has wikipedia. You now have everything you need to make a pretty good claim that may be even able to stick against me.
Now, for a really good review: write what you liked, what you didn't ... and why. Do you know that that last part is? That's putting you, that's putting your heart, on the line. You do that ... well, I mean, really: you either put your heart on the line, or you don't.
Me, I put my heart on the line, every time. In my review replies, in this post, in my PMs to you, in each and every chapter I publish. Girls, this is me, I am risking everything, I'm all out, all the time.
'Cause I know what it's like to live scared. That's not living at all, that's just surviving or existing. Live. Please. Dare to live. Don't rely on 'oh, this is true.' Don't rely on what you think you think you know. Actually make a stand for what you believe, and actually know what you believe, don't slight anywhere in your life. You are your weakest link. I know this. And you communicate with me?
I will call you on the sh!t you pull with other people, be it your lazy-@$$ed sh!t or your prejudiced sh!t.
Don't pull your sh!t on me, because, really, the only person you're sh!tting is yourself.
Hm. Looking at some of these gems, now I know why I had been holding off on this.
Look, okay, it takes courage to review my pieces. I know that. And why? Because I'm as scary as all get out, throwing around big words that you have to look up and my obscure references don't help any, AND THEN my characters are these complex people, nothing at all like the obvious caricatures you read in other fan-fiction pieces where Edward's a god, and Bella's a klutz, and Alice is chirpy-chipper-shoppy and Rosalie's a b!tch and that's all there is to them.
Look. I know, okay. My writings aren't the easiest stories to read on fan-fiction.
So you should have been forewarned, and, being forewarned, been fore-armed.
AND on top of that, you know, already, that I detest stupid people, and not just any stupid people, oh, no: I hate LAZY stupid people.
So when you ask me, "Oh, what does this word mean?" when it's right there in the dictionary? Or I can google the definition?
Or when you tell me, "No, 'phfina, what was in your story is totally wrong, okay? It's like this ..." When I can cite the wikipedia article that supports my writing and destroys your 'oh, no, you're wrong' claim? Or where I can cite the book and page number of the canon that shows you you just ... ARGH!
So, just know, if you're going to be all certain of your facts that you don't look up or be asking questions that have obvious, easily retrievable answers?
Know this: I am not your secretary. I am not your dictionary. My stories are not little serio-comedy episodes on television or youtube that have an obvious conclusion, all tidily wrapped up in 25 minutes (leaving 5 minutes for commercials so you can rot your brain further with sugar that they peddle on that infernal box) (yes, I am grousing like my father). No. I expect you to think, to ponder, to extend yourself when you read my stories. I am not going to spoon-feed you sh!t. No, I respect you, as a reader, too much to do that.
So, do I expect you to think when you leave your review? Do I expect you to extend yourself?
Goddamn right I do. Goddamn right. So you can say, "Nice chap" and I'll say "Thanks! :)" back. So you can say what you liked or what you didn't like in the chap and tell me why, and I'll respect your position or I'll defend mine or I'll do both. Maybe even nicely. So you can tell me I'm wrong ... but you had better be more than just 'Oh, 'cause I know' sure, you had better be goddamn sure (citations will really, really help your cause) because sweetie, I REFUSE to allow you to be LAZY stupid around me. And you had better answer your own 'why' questions to the best of your ability. Like, you had better not be like: 'Why is Rosalie such a b!tch? Why is Bella so spineless?' without first putting on their moccasins and walking a mile, because another kind of person I hate is the stupid PREJUDICED person, that is, the person who makes a snap call on somebody (we all do that, but) without at least trying to get them and where they are coming from. You don't do that? Well, then, why are you even reading my stories? I mean, really! Read something that has 10K+ reviews, read another one of those BxE AU/AH smut-a-thons that require zero brain cells to read or to write.
My stuff: my stuff is precious. I wrote it for you, with love and with care in my heart. So, write your review, please, preciously.
Because me? A prowling panther? No: I am a ton of bricks, iced with sarcasm. Yeah, maybe that will be your experience.
Honey, it's not my job to educate you past third-grade reading comprehension. It's not the schools', even now, especially with the "No Child Left Behind" rallying cry. It's not Mommy's nor Daddy's. It's yours. You are reading my stories, for whatever reason, that means you are a smart cookie. WAY smarter than most the readers and writers on ffn. So, there's this thing called a computer: it has google, it has wikipedia. You now have everything you need to make a pretty good claim that may be even able to stick against me.
Now, for a really good review: write what you liked, what you didn't ... and why. Do you know that that last part is? That's putting you, that's putting your heart, on the line. You do that ... well, I mean, really: you either put your heart on the line, or you don't.
Me, I put my heart on the line, every time. In my review replies, in this post, in my PMs to you, in each and every chapter I publish. Girls, this is me, I am risking everything, I'm all out, all the time.
'Cause I know what it's like to live scared. That's not living at all, that's just surviving or existing. Live. Please. Dare to live. Don't rely on 'oh, this is true.' Don't rely on what you think you think you know. Actually make a stand for what you believe, and actually know what you believe, don't slight anywhere in your life. You are your weakest link. I know this. And you communicate with me?
I will call you on the sh!t you pull with other people, be it your lazy-@$$ed sh!t or your prejudiced sh!t.
Don't pull your sh!t on me, because, really, the only person you're sh!tting is yourself.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Some reviews in some languages
So, I've gotten reviews in Swedish, Brazilian and German and French, so I'm waiting for a review in your native language, be it English (howdy there! ... oops, that's American English) or Swedish or Brazilian or (Mexican) Spanish ... or Icelandic. Nr 2 in readership is Sweden, nr 4 is Iceland, so ... what does this mean?
"Ég tala bara ensku."
but before that: "Hvernig gengur? Manst Þú eftir mér?"
and then finally: "Takk kærlega"
Is this enough for me to be polite(ly mute) in Iceland when I break free of the American borders? Do they have an sbux in Iceland so I can transfer there? Tell me in your reviews!
Well anyway: Takk kærlega to everyone for reading and reviewing my stories!
"Ég tala bara ensku."
but before that: "Hvernig gengur? Manst Þú eftir mér?"
and then finally: "Takk kærlega"
Is this enough for me to be polite(ly mute) in Iceland when I break free of the American borders? Do they have an sbux in Iceland so I can transfer there? Tell me in your reviews!
Well anyway: Takk kærlega to everyone for reading and reviewing my stories!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Anyone But Me webseries review
I'm supposed to be writing right now, but I got the link from oml to Anything But Me, and I had to watch what was available of both seasons right now.
The writing is transparent. There isn't writing, it's just ... life, so unflinchingly presented yet in such a heartwarming way. And the relationship between Vivian and Aster. I want that. Both girls are so, so strong and powerful, so strong, in fact that they show their strength, but then they also yield to the other, and most times yielding without a single fiber of self lost in their deference to each other. They have a mutual respect that ...
I can't describe it. I can only watch them, and love them, as they love each other, in their humanness, with all their might.
God! This series gives me such hope for our community, that we can also have this as being, you know, just life. Two girls, loving each other, and being in the world. Weird? Different? No. Just life.
And just so beautiful.
Thank you for this series.
kisses, 'phfina
p.s. and now, after having just watched the tenth webisode of the second season, I’m conflicted. I mean, the whole second season has been building up to this, but why do girls (or people) have to do this to each other? You both love each other so much, why do you have to lash out to her and just hit her there right where you know it kills her, absolutely kills her like that? And why do you have to make her lash out like that? You’ve got the perfect person, why does your thoughts have to be so conflicted like this?
Why?
I am hating this series right now. I am seriously hating it so much.
The writing is transparent. There isn't writing, it's just ... life, so unflinchingly presented yet in such a heartwarming way. And the relationship between Vivian and Aster. I want that. Both girls are so, so strong and powerful, so strong, in fact that they show their strength, but then they also yield to the other, and most times yielding without a single fiber of self lost in their deference to each other. They have a mutual respect that ...
I can't describe it. I can only watch them, and love them, as they love each other, in their humanness, with all their might.
God! This series gives me such hope for our community, that we can also have this as being, you know, just life. Two girls, loving each other, and being in the world. Weird? Different? No. Just life.
And just so beautiful.
Thank you for this series.
kisses, 'phfina
p.s. and now, after having just watched the tenth webisode of the second season, I’m conflicted. I mean, the whole second season has been building up to this, but why do girls (or people) have to do this to each other? You both love each other so much, why do you have to lash out to her and just hit her there right where you know it kills her, absolutely kills her like that? And why do you have to make her lash out like that? You’ve got the perfect person, why does your thoughts have to be so conflicted like this?
Why?
I am hating this series right now. I am seriously hating it so much.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Movie Review: Fucking Åmål/Show Me Love
Okay, here's an idea, watch the Swedish film "Fucking Åmål" (under the title of "Show Me Love" at rental stores, such as Hollywood Video) today. No, it's not what you think, even if the alternate title is "Show Me Love." It's about this girl, Agnes, with chocolate brown hair and eyes who's new in school and feels left out and not beautiful, even though she is, and about this blond, pale bombshell named Elin who is too cool for everything and too hot for everyone? And definitely enjoys her popularity.
And the thing is, watching them, it looks like Rosalie, that is Elin, is all in charge, and Bella, that is Agnes, is always pining and indecisive, but that last scene in the bathroom (again, not what you're thinking) shows the vulnerable Elin and the self-assured Agnes that defines the relationship between the two girls.
And when Elin opens up that door after that seven seconds in Hell? And faces down everyone's censure? And casts aside her need to be like and liked by everyone?
You've just got to see this film.
And the thing is, watching them, it looks like Rosalie, that is Elin, is all in charge, and Bella, that is Agnes, is always pining and indecisive, but that last scene in the bathroom (again, not what you're thinking) shows the vulnerable Elin and the self-assured Agnes that defines the relationship between the two girls.
And when Elin opens up that door after that seven seconds in Hell? And faces down everyone's censure? And casts aside her need to be like and liked by everyone?
You've just got to see this film.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Moon Over June
Just finished reading "Moon Over June" up to just past the deliveries of Moon and June, by WocGirl on livejournal and deviantART.
May I say something?
Wow!
I did not, at first, like Hatz/"Brittnie", and I didn't like, when I got to know her leanings, Summer/transfinite/Aleph(null). But that's my problem. What isn't my problem is this story. This fiction is so grounded that it appears to be captivating autobiography, or, the autobiography is so compelling that it appears to be captivating fiction. I may not have liked (past-tense) Summer nor Hatz, but I love Summer and Hatz, and the relationship that they work so hard (casually) to deny that they have. "Moon Over June" is a refreshing breath of clean (dirty, naughty, cheeky, sweet) air from the icky angst of the work I write. It's so delightful to emerge from the heaviness of my angst to read and enjoy and laugh out loud, helplessly, at the groundedness of Moon and June mommies. Summer and Hatz both have a real background that includes real jobs (arguing the merits of tristing over a sonogram, no less) and real freckles and real (dumbass) brothers (is there any other kind?). They aren't (always) wrapped up in themselves or each other, they are out there in the world, or at home, dealing with each other, dates, babies, and the rest of the intimacies and intrusions of life. The artistry is lovingly crafted and so are the characters and story.
Oh, and if you have to read anything at lililicious(dot)net, read "Indigo Blue." Really. Read it. Sweet and angsty and sweet.
May I say something?
Wow!
I did not, at first, like Hatz/"Brittnie", and I didn't like, when I got to know her leanings, Summer/transfinite/Aleph(null). But that's my problem. What isn't my problem is this story. This fiction is so grounded that it appears to be captivating autobiography, or, the autobiography is so compelling that it appears to be captivating fiction. I may not have liked (past-tense) Summer nor Hatz, but I love Summer and Hatz, and the relationship that they work so hard (casually) to deny that they have. "Moon Over June" is a refreshing breath of clean (dirty, naughty, cheeky, sweet) air from the icky angst of the work I write. It's so delightful to emerge from the heaviness of my angst to read and enjoy and laugh out loud, helplessly, at the groundedness of Moon and June mommies. Summer and Hatz both have a real background that includes real jobs (arguing the merits of tristing over a sonogram, no less) and real freckles and real (dumbass) brothers (is there any other kind?). They aren't (always) wrapped up in themselves or each other, they are out there in the world, or at home, dealing with each other, dates, babies, and the rest of the intimacies and intrusions of life. The artistry is lovingly crafted and so are the characters and story.
Oh, and if you have to read anything at lililicious(dot)net, read "Indigo Blue." Really. Read it. Sweet and angsty and sweet.
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