Happy Birthday To Me!

So, it's my birthday. Usually the most dreaded day of the year, beside Christmas, 'cause I have to be pretending to be happy about my existence, and stuff.

But this birthday I'm feeling light and fluffy, like a soufflé, perhaps.

I decided to give out birthday presents. Hey, it's my birthday, so I can give out presents, too, you know.

The MAJOR recipient of my presents are the people whom I touch.

'Cause I've decided to give myself the present of kindness.

I'm gonna be kind to myself today. Things will go my way, or they won't, but that's okay, either way. It's been a lovely day, and I've worn a sunny smile for myself and everybody I see.

And I'm giving myself the gift of appreciation. Goes right along with kindness.

My Dad's always saying, "Oh, could you do this, and I'll appreciate it."

This statement, in my hearing and experience, invariably meant, 'if you don't do it, and cheerfully, too, I'll be in a mood so black, you'll regret it for days.'

Seriously. (obviously).

But now I'm appreciating just simple appreciation. Just taking things as they are, and saying, 'hey, that's cool.'

My day has been really, really nice. I've met nice, friendly people and have had a lovely day.

The surprise birthday present from Dad ... it was nice. Very nice. And kind. And thoughtful. And helpful. And I appreciated it, and how generous he is, all the time, to everybody.

So, I'll just appreciate me for being me, no more, no less. And not beat myself up for being or not being anything or something that I am or am not. ... And when I do beat myself up about that ...

*sigh*

... when I do attack myself for my real or imagined inadequacies, well, ... I won't beat myself up for beating myself up. Not today. I'll notice that I'm down on myself. And stop it. Or not, and just let it pass, or have a good sulk and be okay with that.

I haven't had a good sulk today, and that's rather a pleasant surprise.

And how long do you think you can keep that up?

Ah, Ms. Muse, hello. Dunno. For as long as I do, I suppose.

You're not fighting with me ...

Yeah, 'cause I'm appreciating you, just as you are.

You know that's bullshit. I'm a lot smarter than you. You can't fool me.

I know. And, today, that's okay. You can snip at me if you want, or you can take a break if you want, and it's okay.

But you're not. You're not okay, and you never will be.

Well, okay. That's okay. I'm one day older, and I'm okay, or I'm not okay, and today will come to an end, and tomorrow will come, or it won't, and whatever comes, comes.

Look at that. Easy. My thoughts come, I beat myself up, and I react to them, and I get to chose how I react, if I want to.

Pretty neat, this kindness and appreciation stuff.

So, if somebody comes and says 'I know who you are,' you're going to be all light and fluffy with them about it?

... well, ... hm. Well,

Hm, I'm getting nervous. Well, we can give that a try, and if it works, ...

... nah, it's not gonna work, I'm getting sick, already, just thinking about it. So, okay: fail.

How am I?

A little shaken, but ... still breathing, still here, still writing, and thinking about writing, still getting ready for bed, after a nice day out, and a not too embarrassing birthday sitting-around-the-table-being-sung-to-happy-birthday party, so ... okay, I'm okay. I'm okay.

I'm okay.

It's my birthday, and ... I'm okay.

And that's a really nice present for me.