Rose

I love Rosalie.

I wish I could say that I saw the Rosalie I love from the Twibooks, but that's not true. I read the books and said, after Eclipse, ch 7, 'hm, interesting,' but that was that.

But then my bb wrote some stuff, you know? And I was like, wow. And then he wrote Beautiful. And then he wrote Reminiscence.

And I was like ...

And I was like ... that. I mean, here's a woman, so hurt, so filled with hate and spite and loathing, but she looks at this plain, not pretty, girl and she calls me beautiful. I mean she calls Bella beautiful, and she calls me beautiful in such a way that there's no arguing with it, no denying it, she makes me see that she sees me as beautiful and will not accept me seeing myself in any other way.

I mean she make Bella see this.

And then ... in Reminiscence, there she is, a shell, 300 years later. Bella's dead. Bella did what humans do: she died. But Rosalie goes on. She just goes on and on and on, loving me with her entire being, seeing me everywhere, and loving me, and having to let me go, again, every second of eternity, and the very next second, seeing me again, loving me with all her being.

I mean loving Bella.

And I'm like. I'm like: I love Rosalie. Here's a girl who is so damaged, so broken, so cold, so hard, so on fire with hate, but seeing beyond herself to care for somebody in the only way she thinks that she can, failing so miserably at it, but still caring and loving and seeing beauty despite that. Forever. Forever and ever and ever.

So, so sad! So, so Rosalie!

Rosalie, it's okay. I so want to give you a sympathy hug and tell you it's okay, even though you'd shout and rail against me and say it's not okay and it'll never be okay and ...

And how many girls feel so trapped in who they are or where they are or ... whatever? Who feel it's not okay and it'll never be okay? Hm, 'look in the mirror, 'phfina,' you're saying to me?

I so want it to be okay for Rosalie. I so want her to know she is lovable and loved.

People say Bella Swan is everywoman, and perhaps she is. People say Rosalie is an effing bitch, and perhaps she is.

How many people say Rosalie is everywoman, so hurt, but so doing the best she can, even with the whole world against her?

And it may not be okay. And it may never be okay. But here's just one little tiny thing, Rosalie, just for you, from your little tiny Bella:

I love you.

kisses, 'phfina