Outlet

"Dear Microsoft,"

`phfina composes her email, pausing thoughtfully, and tries not to puke, she's so angry, she picks up her pen and continues,

"I understand that XBox Live is a tolerant place, allowing all kinds of players, some going in for fun, some rough and ready, going for the win, and some vicious or who just want to blow off steam from their frustrating day, another day of their meaningless lives.

I understand this, and I understand XBox Live allows this.

But, reading the terms of service, I see that some behaviors are not tolerated. And, I understand, too, you can't monitor every situation and take aggressive action against players who offend me, personally, because then XBox Live would be a rather quiet place filled with genteel people sipping their tea as they eat their biscuits.

That is, a very dull and boring place, indeed.

So, I understand, when a player teabags me, I'm probably going to see him online again. There's no option for reporting sexually offensive behavior like that. I understand. I also understand that when he belittles me, calling me a bitch, that I'm probably going to see him again, this time muted, because I've muted him.

But I'm probably going to see him online again.

But then, when I inform him that behavior is something I don't tolerate, and he's reported...

And he sends me a voice message saying he has an inheritor friend who he's sent my account name to, and my account will be hacked and I won't be able to play again ...

I believe that is using threatening language to intimidate.

So, I have a favor to ask, dear Microsoft, dear arbitors of XBox Live:

Can I never see the gamer tag ItzDaGhostKR3W again on XBox Live?

He sexually assaulted my avatar, he called me a bitch, and then he threatened me with hacking my account.

Please do this for me: please ban his account, as I do not believe your terms of service are well-represented by him.

Love,
`phfina."

Dear Reader,

I have a favor to ask of you.

And this is going to be a hard one, for all of you, because it's hard for me, too.

When somebody offends or intimidates you, don't do what you normally do or think what you have to do to get along.

Don't just take it, because you're a girl, or a subordinate, and that's what we have to do: just take it so we and everybody else can get through their day in peace and quiet.

The thing is, you aren't doing anybody a favor, not you, not him (usually him) not your coworkers nor classmates.

Your coworkers and classmates have been intimidated by him, too, and they're watching you, watching you taking it, and they say to themselves: 'see, she took it, that means I have to, as well: I don't want to make waves and be labeled a whistleblower.'

By you taking it, you've not only enabled him, you've embolded him, and the next time, it's going to be rape, and maybe not you, but your best friend who watched you take it, and now she's damaged for life, because you took it, like the good little mouse you are.

No, report him, yes, but so: he has no feedback, and so your silence to him means it's okay what he's doing.

Report him, and tell him. To his face.

A bully can only bully if the bullied lie down on the dirt and wet themselves.

A bully punches you? Punch him in the face. Hard.

Or 'punch him in the face' by taking appropriate administrative or legal action.

You know what's going to happen. He's going to punch you back, and call you all kinds of things, and tell all his (at max) two friends.

And then he's going to leave you alone. Because you're too hard, you're too painful for him when he wants to play his power games. So now he'll go pick on somebody wimpier.

But then, if that somebody wimpier is your friend, and, by definition, as of right this instant, he or she now is your best friend in the world! then you are going to go in there with your mag light and your sleeves rolled up and pound the stuffing out of Mr. Bully and his friends.

Or, your wimpy and now new best friend? He or she saw what you did, and saw Mr. ... or hell: Ms. Bully back off, so now your wimpy friends pulls out a left hook that leaves Mr. or Ms. Bully's jaw remembering that for a week.

Evil cannot be evil. And the only way it can be is if the good stands by and does nothing.

Somebody picks on you, intimidates you, you have two options. You can take it, and it will get worse, or you can fight back, and ... you know this: it will get worse. There will be repercussions.

But now you have that bully's (grudging) respect, but more importantly: you have your own respect back.

Your choice. You can choose to piss yourself and to survive hiding meekly under the thumb, or you can choose to buck up, pull back, punch, punch hard and live.

ItzDaGhostKR3W isn't anything. He's nothing. All he has is permission from everybody he's belittled to continue that behavior.

`phfina isn't anything. She's nothing.

Until she makes the choice: buck up, or lie down and piss herself.

I chose.

Now it's your turn. Every day, in every situation where you're being bullied, intimidated or coerced. (Like I said: every day).

Choose.

Oh, and if you are the bully ... I can't wait to meet you.