Carried

Okay...this.

So, it's just a bunch of numbers to you the outsider, so, as a gracious favor to you, little `phfina in her black shawl (and black eye, again, don't ask) will provide interpretation for you.

Okay, so I go into the hopper, ready to drive a vehicle, so somebody will gun for me, so I can get a shiny new driver assist ribbon, but here we go into condemned ... no vehicles. Great.

*sigh*

Well, just tough it out.

And what transpired before my eyes? Two of my teammates were around my rank, so I thought, finally I wouldn't have to carry the whole damn team (which I rarely do, ... my friends, who are boyz, are killahs to da Max). But no, I see boyz being boyz, rushing right in, and dying. All the time. We were behind, by like, 10 points at one point in the game, and I was leading my team in score, in fact: twice that of the second player.

At the end of the game, well, in the last minute, we pull ahead and win.

I look at the leaderboard, and saw what you see.

What do you see?

Well, kills are kills, right? Wrong. K-D is actually important. It tells you how many times you killed, but also how many times you died. My k-d was higher than anybody elses...friend, or foe.

But when you add up the k-d's... my k-d was higher than my team. My whole team. My k-d was higher, in fact, than both teams combined!

Why?

Boyz being boyz.

"YARRRRG! I'm a boy! So I'm going to rush straight in and punch the other guy, 'cause I'm a boy!"

The kill distance for all my teammates were all averaging less than 10 meters. Their death distance were all at least double that.

My kill distance, contra-whateverly, was at least double my death distance.

And the weapons they used? My teammates? Every single one of them?

Their fists.

They have all these beautiful ranged weapons where they can like, shoot from a distance? Or shoot mid-ranged? No. It's like they put all these things aside. "I don't need no stinking rifle! I'm a BOY! CHAARRRRRGGGEEE!!!"

And got shot full of holes, the final hole being in their cranium.

Me, I'm a girl. I watch. From a distance. I watch boyz charging at each other, I pick up my scoped rifle, and I shoot them. I shoot them all. The enemies, that is.

When a boy charges toward me? What's my instinctive reaction? "CHHHAARRRRGGEEE!!!!"?

No, it's back-up, shoot, back-up, shoot, back-up, shoot, back-up, shoot, kill.

I'm a girl. I'm smaller. Only an idiot would charge in and go toe-to-toe with "HULK SMASH!"

I was, unfortunately, matched up with five idiots.

And I carried their asses to the win.

What did I get for that? Gratitude? "Oh, `phfina, thank you for carrying our sorry n00b asses to the win!"?

Nah. I waited. And I waited. And I checked the stats, ... and I told them, exactly, what idiots they all were, and how.

I did get some feedback. "You on the rag?"

"Just off, thanks," was my reply, "But what's your excuse for that piss-poor performance? None! Learn to fight like a girl!"

Now, I don't want to leave you the impression that I'm all anti-boy. ... I'm MOSTLY anti-boy.

But some boys make being boyz ... work. Take Grim or Max or Gulch for example. They are boyz. They are really boyz. They charge right in there.

But the thing is, they don't do it stupidly. They have mad skilz, yo! They come in with better weapons, or with surprise, or under cover, or after the fire fight has already started, so they walk away from a three-dog fight the winners, time after time.

Fine. Works for them, and great, glad they are on my team.

Me? I'm a girl. So I'll just hide in my little hidey hole and snipe and get headshot after headshot, game after game. ONE day Imma gonna get an unfriggenbelievable. I already have two perfections. Two. Boyz? With you charging in there, how many perfections do you have? More importantly: are you helping the team? Yes? Keep doing that. But are you hurting the team. Stop it. Stop what you're doing, and do something different, something better.

You know: assess, evaluate, learn! Is that too much to ask of you boyz? No, it's not. You just have to set aside your manly pride and admit what you're doing isn't working and watch other players and see what's working for them, then learn, try that, fail, try again, and help the team, right?

Is that so hard?