Your Sh!t

Do you know what I can't stand?

What can't you stand, 'phfina? We're just dying to know!

Thank you. What I can't stand is when somebody talks shit about me behind my back. You know what I can't stand more? When somebody talks shit about somebody else to me.

So, a few promises. You do that, and you're banned. Do you know who talks sh!t about other people? Shitty people, and I don't want your sh!t on me, thank you.

How you get unbanned? When the person you talked sh!t about PMs me telling me you fessed up, apologized, and have received their forgiveness.

That's right: that b!tch you hate? She's the one who will get you unbanned.

My other promise. I will not talk sh!t about you.

I had that fucking happen to me in high school, and it nearly killed me. That's right: cold, dead 'phfina. No 'phfina stories for you to read 'cause she slit down, not across in high school when the heat got too hot in the kitchen, so this little girl almost checked out. And, oh, not merely once, m'dears.

Don't you fucking talk shit about people to me!

Because those 'people' are people, God damn it! And they're in the same shit you are in and I am in, and yes, genius, it's their own God damn fault because they are such c.v.n.t.s. so they brought their own shit down on themselves but guess what, sister, look in the fucking mirror!

I do. Every day.

So yes, they got it coming to them. They deserve it. But I tell you what. I will take a fucking bullet for them because they deserve a chance to try to just try to just make it, and maybe smile today, and okay, so they were really mean, nasty, whatever, sure. So you're a fucking angel?

No. You talk shit about somebody else, then, sweetheart, you're the bitch. Not her. You.

And so my third promise. Catch me. And call me on it. If I talk sh!t to you about somebody, quote this entry to me. Make me eat my words, and then call me every fucking name in the book, and then tell me to get right with that person. This is my third promise: Dare I ever lapse on this and talk shit about somebody, I promise that when you call me, I had better be a god damn good little girl and take my lashings and make it right with that person. I promise.

I solemnly swear.

Guys and girls, come on! It's fucking hard enough already as it is, isn't it? Please don't make it harder for somebody who's got it hard already. PLEASE!