On Writing Well

"'phfina, you write so well! I wish I could write like you do!"

No, you don't wish this.

I mean: really.

'Reaching' my skill level? I mean, do you even want to? 'cause every frikken chapter it's almost like that: I sometimes get sick, I always cry, at every single chapter I write, and then when it's time to publish the predominant thought in my head is 'I've fvcked this up, so badly, they are gonna find where I live and get medieval on my ass ... and then crucify me.'

Do you want that? Does anybody? I sure don't. I just wanna read good fiction. That's all I've wanted to do. But no. Now I have to write this shit and it fucking kills me every single chapter. And then some reviewers as soon as I publish say 'update soon' (and it's not their fault at all: they are brave enough to ask what at least a hundred other people dare not to ask) and then I'm in the bathroom, puking my guts out, 'cause I know I have to update soon or else I'm disappointing somebody, maybe even hundreds, no, now it's even thousands of somebodies, breaking their heart, but that means I have to look in the mirror into my soul and write something that isn't sh1t this time. Again.

Joy.

You want to write like I do? it's easy. It's so easy.

You put your heart on the line.

You put your heart on the line, knowing somebody will step all over it, and you do that with every single chapter. Knowing more and more people are going to get out their stomping boots on you.

So, that means: right now. You're PMing me or you just publish that brand spanking new chapter of yours. I mean: great! But did you put your heart on the line? Did you really, really write that stuff that really, really happened to you ... you know, stuff that's happening right there, right in your fragile little heart ... you know, stuff that really matters? So that, for example, you really, really told me how my story really, really impacted you? Or in your story, I read it and I'm like: oh, God! That's real. That ... God! I'm gonna cry and laugh and hug my pillow and call my mom and ...

See? That is what your writing from your heart will do. I know: I have PM after PM telling me exactly that. And you will know that, yourself, too, because when you do that, you will have that deluge of PMs, too.

So, share. Really share. Don't partially share, but get it right out there, and put your heart on the line. What else is your heart for?

And when I say share, I mean: share.

"'phfina, when 'you' said 'you' wanted to kill 'your'self, it brought me back to that time when I was 10 and I had the razor out and I was crying so hard I was screaming because I couldn't even see bc my life was so black and ..."

Or maybe that didn't happen to you, maybe:

"When 'you' brought that boy into 'your' room, that put me right back to my first time when he told me he loved me and I told him to wait but he wasn't waiting and he just pushed into me and then nothing and then I felt so used because he was like, 'well' and left and then afterwards it was all weird! And, God, I felt ..."

But how the hell do I know, and how the hell can I connect to you, if you don't share from the heart, but speak in generalities? And when you do really share from the heart, if I have one drop of charitable blood in my body, how the hell can I not cry with you or how the hell can I not rejoice in your triumph or joy?

Did you give me the chance to do either in your writing?

If this is something you aspire to ... something you need to 'work on' you work on it everywhere, including every single time you have another person that you're with, communicating face to face or otherwise, otherwise you aren't working on it, you're just saying you have to work on it, and that ... well, you tell me.

I just write from what I know and what I've seen, and I put my heart into it. If you did just that, you'd probably been twice the writer I am, bc your experience? Do you know how many girls have gone through the same things you have, and are just waiting for that one voice to say: 'Yes, it hurt,' or, on the flip side, 'Yes, it was wonderful' and they have that connection to another soul in the whole world where they had thought they were all alone?

And that's all there is to it. Well, that's all there is to 'writing at my level.' Not writing classes, not nothing, because high school has all the writing you need to share authentically from the heart.

So that means the only thing you need is to want it and then be honest and open about yourself, knowing full well that your going to get hurt, and then your writing?

You won't be wishing you could write as well as I can. I'll be wishing I could write as well as you.